The science of amazing moms

I knew "attachment parenting", breastfeeding and many things Dr. Sears said made sense to me. Thankfully I was able to "baby wear", co sleep, breastfeed until 3, and have my son watched by my mother in law when I went back to work. I think all of these things contributed to the smart, confident, social, amazing kindergartener he is today. Not sure I've been as successful with the stress reduction or reduction of ear infections and allergies, but hey not everything I do can be perfect and I 've tried to teach him that too!

I find this topic very interesting, and have spent time and effort in the past (not to mention counseling) trying to figure out why my bond with my mother is one more of superficial acquaintances than mother-daughter. Is it possible she is not a nurturer and never was, from the very beginning? If so, why? The feelings I have always gotten from my mother are more of resentment, like I (and the 4 siblings that followed) am a burden she would rather not have had. I have never felt emotionally close to her, never confiding in her nor sharing close, personal things... and still don't... and maybe never will? And then, too.... why was I such a different mother than she? Interesting....

I bonded with my baby as soon as she was born. I stayed home with her for the first two years so she was never with a baby sitter outside of myself (her mom) or her grandmothers. As soon as she started to cry, in less than 2 seconds I would pick her up and talk to her. My husband and I made it a point to talk to her constantly because we felt it was important. Both of us had our own seperate songs we sang to her. Even today at the age of 5 some times she will ask us to sing her those songs. I remember, from birth to about 2 1/2, the only thing that I used to do was dote on my daughter, and play w/ her. I wouldn't even care about housework. It was a very low priority compared to playing w/ my daughter.

I fell in love with each of my three children the moment we made eye contact. I responded to their needs immediately and held them all the time. I talked to them, played with them, sang songs and danced around the house. I learned how to nurture from my mother and I thank her so much for being such a good role model. I just wish she could have been here to see them. From the time my kids could sit up we went for bike rides to the park almost everyday to swing on swings and just have fun! They loved to hang out with me in the kitchen and play with my pots and spoons while I was cooking or washing dishes. We had the most fun with big empty boxes cause our imagination was the limit.
I feel that breastfeeding also help nurture my children because I learned to be attentive to their needs. It is a empowering feeling to know that I helped my children grow with my own body. Nursing also helped soothe them to sleep, make boo-boos feel all better, and learn that there are limits. As they grew older they didn't want to be held so much but to walk-um I mean run on their own two feet. Now my oldest is 19 yrs old -an adult! He still lives at home but he has a very good job, pays rent, and makes sure that my bike is in top running condition. I am so proud of him! My daughter is an A student who plans to become a vetrinarian when she is done with high school. My youngest I think will be the next "crocodile hunter" as he loves animals especially reptiles.

My sons and I "ramble"...we pack peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and go to local fishing holes to throw rocks in the water. We go the the local university's free planetarium shows and peer through our telescope later. We go to the local "city" one day each summer and go on museum tours using free passes from our local library, eat hot dogs from a street vendor, and visit the local ancient cemetary. We hike. All free (or almost). All fun. I will miss them like crazy when they move on but look forward to grandchildren (hopefully, more boys!)

I really believe a child's nature comes from the genes

I have had two children one not bonded with through a difficult birth. she has many problems that I have always blamed myself for and we have lost contact with each other.

With my second daughter it was love at first sight. She was my whole world cherished and adored. Indulged and somewhat spoilt. She always had a kind and loving nature until these last few years then she changed into a spiteful neurotic. Having a fit If I did not toe her line and do exactly what she wanted. Lying to get her own way, jealous of Friends and acquaintances and she has become a person who will assassinate someones character on a whim. We are slowly losing contact also.

These two girls are very much like some members of the family and it is very sad that mothers and daughters cannot be friends. I have a better relationship with my granddaughters and I hope it remains that way until I die.

My mother was wonderful. As a single mom for most of my childhood, and Active Duty in the Marine Corps, you would think that she wouldn't have any time to nurture us four kids. She made time. Every night, she read us a story, as we snuggled all together. On the weekends, we would go camping at a nearby river, or all tramp through the woods, looking for frogs and lizards and cool pinecones. Money was always tight, but we were happy. Now, all of us have great work ethics, and a good attitude about life. I attribute all of my success to my mother, and how close we all were. I just found out that I'm expecting, and I can't wait to do all the fun stuff with my child that my mother did with me. I LOVE YOU, MOM!!

I enjoy reading your stories and find truth in all of them. While I think it is amazing that many moms can and do stay home with their children, please don't overlook that this is not the only way to be a nurturing mother.
I am the mother of 2 amazing boys and I couldn't be more proud of them. My children both receive good grades (my youngest is an honors student) and they are wonderful people of whom I could not be more proud. They are also very proud of me. I have an extremely close relationship with my boys (ages 10 and 13), and I do work a FT job. I have a successful and demanding career in management, and I enjoy it. I even have a social life... none of this makes me less nurturing or committed to my children than a stay at home mom is. I am on the PTA for both of my children's schools, I am the team mom for my oldest son's soccer team and I am also on the executive board for their soccer organization. Although I am very busy, I spend quality time with my children and husband. We make memories and grow closer every day. I prioritize my time and my children ALWAYS come first. I am not ashamed that I work or occasionally have dinner with "the girls", because I am a great mother.
While there is certainly good cause to celebrate being a stay at home mom, don't forget that you don't have to stay at home to be a phenomenal mother or to form an unbreakable bond with your children. My children are proud of my career and of me, they even encourage me to spend time with my friends...What matters the most isn't necessarily how many hours a day you spend together, but what you do with that time. If you stay home because you want to, that's great. If you work because you have to or even because you want to, be proud of yourself...just make sure you identify your priorities and act accordingly.

My eldest son was 3 when his twin brothers were born. It is not easy being the older sibling of twins because twins do demand a lot of attention and time and the 2 of us had spent a lot of time together since he was born. So one way I bonded with all 3 was while I breast-fed the twins on my bed, I'd put the 3-year old in-between my legs and read to him. I'm sure it was quite a sight but the result was we all spent time together and we still do today, 17 years later.

I LOVED this year's mother's day because my sons spend time with me preparing 3 meals for my in-laws who were in town for a visit. My boys understand that the greatest gift we can give one another is our time. They also nurture me when I'm down with hugs and words of love. I am truly blessed!

My son's were born in 78 and 79, just 11 months apart. Both were breast feed for their first 5 years and were weaned the summer before the start of kindergarten. Though I was a working mom, I was only two blocks away and had the world's greatest boss (he drove me to the hospital to have my first son), I would go home and breast feed the kids. Can you imagine, Flex-work in the 70's. Anyway, both my sons are now married and have their own families. They are the kindest, sweetest most civilized human beings I know. Their spouses are wonderful women and are carrying on the family tradition. It's so easy, no bottles to wash, always have food readily available and the children's cuddles and hugs as they are feeding cannot be compared to anything else in this world. I don't know if it makes a difference to breast feed or not, but weighing all the positives, I surely recommend it. I read an article that breastfeed children's IQ are higher, then maybe that is why my son's IQ are way, way above average (almost 200). One is a medical doctor and the other a PhD. Is breastfeeding good for Mom, I bet it is. I am 53 and have never suffered from any illness. As a matter of fact, my breast exams are perfect. My pap smears are always negative and personally I have kept my weight the same all these years. We are closer than most families and I truly believe it stems from the bonding we had and continue to share.

I thought of my daughter as Saran Wrap baby because we were literally joined at the hip for the first 2 years of her life. I nursed her and held her even when people thought I would "spoil" her. Now that she is 6, her favorite place is still mom's lap and we read and sing every night before she goes to sleep. I am fortunate to share her care with my husband (her father) and think of myself as having found a great middle ground by working part-time. I get to spend time with her getting ready for school in the morning and pick her up after, without sacrificing my education or ignoring my personal interests. Admittedly, my social life is smaller than most, but I think I have struck the right balance for my family. I feel incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to work half-time and watch my daughter grow.

I say, GREAT JOB to all the moms who set good examples of what strong women can do regardless of whether you work 50 hours a week, are a single parent or are a stay-at-home mom. I wish we could all learn to appreciate one another's choices and stop judging people whose lives are different than our own. We should all be able to agree that being a loving mom unites us across our differences.

I'm very blessed to be able to stay at home with my boys, a 2 year old and a 4 month old. With my oldest, Adam, I try to take time to pull him onto my lap and read to him every day and I am always singing to him. Now, he sings as much as he talks, if not more, and he loves books! He never liked to cuddle much, so I found different ways to be close to him - playing in the bathtub with him or taking him for piggy-back rides. When my Joseph was born, I made sure Adam didn't feel neglected or forgotten by using Joseph's naps as time to devote solely to my toddler. He has carried on my tradition of gentle love by always being soft with Joseph, trying to share candy and toys with him, and giving him hugs and slobbery toddler-kisses on the head. The boys adore each other as I adore them, and I love the quiet moments when they cuddle up to me and let me hold them close. My favorite moments are when they fall asleep in my arms, and some of the best bonding moments are those long, long nights when one is ill and can't sleep unless Mommy's there to hold and comfort him. Breastfeeding also gives me some of my most happy memories. Both of my sons gave me their first real smiles just after filling their tummies!

I bonded with my baby when we was in my belly..... I would touch my belly when I was 7-8 months preggo, and she would move to where ever my hand was..... When she was born.... it took a couple of weeks for me to come to the realization that she was mine... And that I was now a Mommy! Once I realized that this was not a dream, and she loved me, and needed me just like I did my mom.... The world sang to me.... She makes me happy every day... The way she smiles at me in the morning when I take her to my moms before I go to work, and the huge smile she gives me when I return in the evening..... Our bond grows daily..... I love her with all my heart... Sunday I celebrated my very first mothers day.... It was the best feeling in the world!